Always Look a Gift-Horse in the Mouth
Recently, I received in the mail a special offer for a supposedly great loan rate on purchase of a vehicle from a local dealership. Usually, I just toss these things away because: a) the “great deals” are usually never really that good or even average; b) I am in no position to even think about making a major purchase at the moment; and c) my attention span is inversely related to level of bullshit. Unfortunately, I unfolded the letter just far enough for a sweepstakes scratch-off ticket to fall out. “What the hell,” I figured and scratched it off, revealing a shopping cart symbol, which apparently indicated that I had won the second highest “prize” available in whatever sweepstakes this was: a $1,000 online shopping spree. “Yahoo!”, I exclaimed.
The prize didn’t sound too shabby, but the skeptic in me never even allowed a flinch. I immediately began scanning the letter and ticket carefully for something limiting in the fine print, a “Prize only awarded with purchase”, “$1,000 prize only good for $1,000 off purchase from dealership”, or “Hey asshole, screw you, you aren’t getting shit.” To my surprise/misfortune, there was none of that typical legal jargon to be found; this looked to be legit.
I called the dealership and told them about my card. The lady on the other end congratulated me on winning such a great prize. She even sounded genuine, as they somehow always manage to do. It wasn’t until after the phone call had ended that I realized the catch: the merchandise that I could redeem on my shopping spree was going to be pure crap, either as worthless as Adam “PacMan” Jones’ conscience or as useless as Alberto Gonzales’ legal education.
The optimist in me wanted to still see this through and not give up without at least calling back to find out what I would be able to shop for. Unfortunately, I was in a bind: the dealership was closed for the day and I would only have the time to physically retrieve my prize in the allotted timeframe if I was to arrive at the exact time the dealership was to open the next day. Like that skeezy friend we all have at last call, I no longer had the option of discovering more about my prize before cashing in.
It turns out that all of the prizes are merchandise that even Wal-Mart would probably refuse to carry (on second thought, they probably would (do?) carry them), and they cost a shipping and handling fee that is greater than the worth of the item and must be paid out of one’s own pocket rather than with the shopping spree credit. This was rather expected and wouldn’t bother me if not for the fact that I had to take time out of my day and spend a little travel money to find this out. All in all, I wasted a little over 2 hours of my life and about $12 on pure rubbish, and, unlike the last time that happened, I didn’t even get to see Keira Knightley in sexy pirate garb.
